The Box
by Christine Lennoire
Summary: In a box, high upon a shelf, Yuki hides secrets. But it's destroying him inside. Can Tohru help him open this box and save him, or will what she finds there scare her away? Kyo's unable to forgive so how could he help?
1. Late Night

The Box  
Formerly titled 'What Goes On'  
By Christine Lennoire

Chapter One  
Late night

.: LATE NIGHT :.

Yuki ran up stairs and slammed the door shut. What had gotten into him? Suddenly, a feeling of overwhelming fear and pain had overcome him while sitting at the table. Of course Kyo had been tormenting him as usual... but, take note: 'as usual'. Now, Shigure was being his usual cheery, perverted self, and Tohru just smiled as usual, accepting the compliments given to her about her cooking. So... where had that come from? He had been sitting there, in his usual spot across from Tohru, listening to Kyo bickering about how Kagura would probably show up soon and start confessing her dire love for him while beating him into a pulp for not sharing her feelings just as passionately. Then, he got this cold feeling: as if he were being watched. He had looked at the window and saw only blackness. Something happened then, but he couldn't remember. All he remembered was getting up rather quickly and running up the stairs, much to the entire table's surprise. He hadn't said a thing.

Now look at him... he was curled in a ball at the foot of his bed questioning himself about just what had happened. Kyo hadn't even tried to punch him today. It had been one of _those_. Yuki sat up warily. Vicious memories haunted him. That's what he saw when he looked past the window. He hadn't seen the darkness of the night... but straight into the darkness of his own soul. During weak moments, he had these... visions. It was hard to hide them. Because afterwards, he was prone to start destroying things or... cry a river for anyone nearby. This time it was the second, he realized, as the warm tears trickled down his cheek, falling onto his hands which were clenched tightly in his lap. Now that the emotional impact had faded, he started to remember what it was that he saw when he was supposedly looking at the scenery.

What he saw was his face. His own _ugly_ face. Yuki didn't hide what he thought of himself when he was in these states. His mind told him exactly what it thought without a hesitation. '_I'm a monster... even more so than Kyo at his worst.' _There was no hiding. You can't run from yourself. '_You're a mess. No wonder you can't be yourself around others... If they saw who you really were, even Tohru would have to run away.' _"No... Miss Honda is not like that." Half-heartedly, he began fighting himself. _But she is a good person through and through. If she saw just how mean and nasty you were, she'd hate you. _"She would never..." _Fool. Nobody can love a cursed child. It is part of the curse itself... the part that says you don't get a happy ending. You can't. You never will. Tohru can't save you. She can't break the curse. She can NOT LOVE YOU! _This was Yuki. He could not fight it. In his soul, that is what he believed.

"Who am I kidding. Miss Honda is such a kind, loving person... she would hate to see just a glimpse of what I really am." Yuki cried... and he cried. Ever since the confrontation with Akito, things had been getting worse and worse. He could no longer pretend to fight with himself. He believed every word of it. From the back of his mind, emerged a need. Yuki looked up to make sure it was still there. '_Yes. It is safe'. _He thought, seeing his precious object sitting up high above his bed on a nice wooden shelf of red wood, held up by three beautiful golden hooks: one on each end and one in the middle. Yuki sighed in content. No one had touched it... no one saw. 'Thank god.' he thought loudly. Not even he dared to touch it.

_In a book, in a box, high upon a shelf, in a locked and guarded vault: are the things that I keep only for myself. _"Things even I cannot bear rest upon my shoulder. What a retched being." Yuki snorted, forcing himself up off the floor and throwing himself onto the bed. _I have set aside everything I love. I have saved everything else for you. 'You are a monster.' _his inner self screamed. "I am you." was his only reply.

At the table, everything was silent. No one knew what had really happened. Kyo was the first to brush it aside, and blame everything on the rat. "Damn rat... it's not your fault, Tohru." he said, well prepared for her nervous breakdown: prepared for her to start to force the blame upon her self. Even if she knew she did nothing wrong, she would assume there must have been something that she could have done. Sometimes... no, most of the times, it made Kyo sick. But this time, Tohru stayed silent. She was staring at the floor as if there was something important embedded there. Shigure tried to laugh it off, but when she didn't smile, they knew she was crying. "Ah, knock it off, would you? It's his own damn fault! He's being insensitive."

"No..." Tohru sobbed. "I saw how he was. Yuki was detached all day. I should have done something when I realized something was wrong." She said, wiping away a pool of her own tears. Shigure smiled sadly at her as he remembered what Hatori had said on the day of the first-year's orientation. 'If it is possible for a person to hurt someone, it is possible for them to be healed by another.' _Or something like that, _Shigure told himself. Kyo got up rather quickly, unable to handle the sad atmosphere and Tohru's uncontrollable tears. "Forget him. He deserves it." Kyo huffed. They both knew he was going to the roof. It was Kyo's thinking spot. Besides, it helped him cool down, and that was always a good thing.

Shigure sighed. "Don't let it get to you. Yuki probably just had a bad day. But... I think if you paid him a visit, you could turn his frown upside down." he smiled warmly at Tohru. When she just looked at him curiously, he sighed. "What I mean is... I think a visit from you would make him feel a lot better. Just don't leave him alone. I would go, but it wouldn't be the same if it were me telling him. You have a way with him, really." Shigure winked. "So while you go make Yuki happy again, I should do the same for other people... by... you know, doing my work for once. In the spirit of things, I might just send it in early!" He grinned. "My editor won't know what hit her!" Tohru laughed. He was being silly, but she thought she might have hinted a bit of sense coming from it. So why did that sound so wrong coming from someone like Shigure? It probably had nothing to do with the fact that he's friends with Ayame... she thought to herself.

'But then again... so is Hatori...' Tohru thought to herself with a smiled. "Okay!" She said, wiping away her tears. After Shigure left for his office, she quietly padded up the stairs to Yuki's room. She lightly knocked on the door. But there was no answer. Once again she tried, calling, "Yuki. Yuki?" Silence was all that greeted her. 'Is he avoiding me? Maybe I really did something wrong? But what...? Oh it could have been a number of things, who am i kidding.' "If I did something wrong, I'm sorry." she said, but Tohru got nothing again. So she decided to sit and wait until she could get a chance to talk to him. 'Maybe he fell asleep.' She thought. So she sat and waited. In time, Tohru couldn't help but fall asleep at the door.

Some time around midnight, Yuki woke up, completely drained... and empty. Yuki had hardly eaten anything. Noticing how late it was, he decided he would have to be very quiet. So he tip-toed out of bed and quietly went to open the door. When he did, something fell back against his legs. Frightened and shocked, he looked down to see a sleeping Tohru resting there. 'She... Miss Honda was... was waiting at my door. She... she was waiting all night! I must have worried her.' he thought sadly. Carefully, he picked her up in his arms, keeping her as far away as possible, and carried her to her bed. Once she was safely lying on the bed, Yuki softened at sat on the edge of the bed next to her. "I'm so sorry, Miss Honda..."

"That's okay... really!" Yuki jumped, not realizing when she woke up. "I was just really worried. You left without saying anything and... I thought maybe you were mad at me or something, but I really couldn't think why you would be. Plus I noticed how sad you looked all day, and I felt really bad for not saying anything, even after I noticed how you were suffering. So I wanted to wait and make sure you were okay and... be there if you wanted someone to talk to... because it's okay if you want to vent your frustrations or share your sadness. It's so difficult if you always try to carry the burden on your own... so..." Yuki smiled genuinely at her and brushed a stray stand of hair from her face... she was rambling, but it was okay.

"Miss Honda, that's really sweet of you. I'm sorry I made you go through so much trouble. That's not what I wanted at all. No... I'm very sorry._" I can not decide what this doubt's made of though I've thought over it through and through. _"My weakness is my own problem... one I'm not very good at taking care of and my insecurity keeps me from sharing my faults. That's why I've locked it away, so it can't hurt anyone..."

Tohru frowned. "But it hurts you..."

Yuki frowned. "That's the price I pay for keeping the people I love safe from it. If they... or you... knew the truth, it would change everything. I would lose everything. I'm afraid I'm not strong enough to take that chance. You saved Kyo... even after seeing the monster he became. It's easier to deal with it, though, when you can tell it's all on the outside. But what I deal with is on the inside... something much worse and... unacceptable. If you never know, maybe you won't have to hate me." Tohru's eyes began to water and a few stray tears fell.

"Yuki... nothing could m-make me h-hate you! You have been so kind... so wonderful to me. Could I ask for anything more? All the Sohmas, but you and Kyo especially have spoiled me rotten. It's I who should be ashamed. I'm so selfish, but I don't want to give up a single thing. I want to stay here with all of you and stay this way forever. So for that, I am the most terrible of all."

He wrapped her in his arms: or as close to it as he could. "But that's not who I am. Your the first person I have treated this way. You are very special to me... precious even. If you only had a clue, you would run away. You would hide, you would cry, and you would scream. No. I will keep the pain locked up. I will keep it in that box. And I won't share a single thing. If that makes me selfish too, then I am twice as bad as you." Yuki said, pushing her away and standing up. "I am terrible for using you this way. You are not my saving grace. I am just lucky to see you each day. But yet you smile at me and treat me like family. It's more than I deserve."

Tohru forced herself up and she walked quickly to his side. "Don't say that! I would never believe that! I-I-I..." She was red as a cherry by now, and took the quick way out by kissing him on the forehead, like he always did to her. Yuki's eyes widened at the act of sweetness from her. "No... Yuki is very important to me, and nothing can change that." she said, talking to him like he wasn't there. Suddenly, against his will, and breaking the beautiful moment, his stomach growled. Tohru giggled. "Oh! You must be starving! You hardly ate anything! Let me go make you something quick!" she said, running downstairs. Yuki reached out to stop her, but she was gone.

She really is too good to me... _It's your fate but it's not your fault..._

He went downstairs after her to see her cooking everything in sight. Could she really look past who he was and the things he had done and still think of him the same? Just like she did with Kyo? Maybe? Would he take the chance? No... he was scared. Because... who was he without 'Miss Honda'? _A monster... _With her, he felt like he was slowly becoming more and more of the person he wanted to be.

_If I hide myself wherever I go, am I ever really there?_

"Miss Honda, you really shouldn't have gone to so much trouble! But... thank you. I will try to be more like you want me to be. I will try to open up." Tohru smiled extra wide and hugged him. Poof He turned into the rat... _how becoming..._

"I'm soooo sorry! But it made me so happy. I like to think that one day, when you open that box, you'll let me be there." Yuki's eyes widened considerably. 'How did she know?' he asked himself. "It's okay... really! It's just an expression." She said. "It's like the expression about what goes on behind closed doors. When a person has regrets or secrets, sometimes you say they have a box or something. Mom said it a lot about people like that." Yuki smiled. 'She doesn't know... and she doesn't mind my transformation... she really is an angel.'

_And for every useless reason I know, there's a reason not to care..._

'But I can't find a good reason not too... I really do care about what Miss Honda thinks about me.' Yuki thought. 'I can use all the stupid, silly reasons to back it up that I want, but it don't mean a thing. Miss Honda is very special to me. She is very precious, like the wonderful person she is. Can I risk all that for the hope that she maybe... just might... stay and save me. I think I'd rather be damned, if I could keep her by my side.'

"Here! Eat up." She said, smiling at her handy work. The food looked wonderful and his stomach agreed that it just _had_ to go. He laughed and started eating. Tohru watched with delight in her eyes. "I'm glad you like it." She stayed by his side the whole time he ate. She never once left his side. And for the second time that day, she fell asleep waiting for him. When he was finished, he took her upstairs and then went back down to clean. He was still uncertain, but he had a new ray of hope, shining brighter than ever inside of him. Yuki went back upstairs and went back to his own bed and he decided that now he could rest in peace. 'Thank you, Tohru. For everything you have done. Whether or not you can look upon my real self and not turn away is still a mystery. But you have stuck by me this far. That much I can see... and I am grateful.'

Tired, he rest his head upon the pillow and this time, he was blessed with good dreams instead of the haunting nightmares.

_There is nowhere else I would rather be, but I can't just be right here._ _An enigma wrapped in a mystery or a fool consumed by fear...? I will give you all I could ever give though it's less than you will need. Could you just forget if you can't forgive all the things I could not conceive?_

TBC (If people like it, that is.)

I love Kyo so he will have to come back again soon!

Please... REVIEW!

Love Christine Lennoire


	2. What Goes On Behind Closed Doors

The Box  
Formerly titled 'What Goes On'  
By Christine Lennoire

Chapter Two  
What Goes on Behind Closed Doors

.: WHAT GOES ON BEHIND CLOSED DOORS :.

Yuki felt himself tensing up again. Lately, if Kyo so much as looked at him ugly, it was like a fine line had been crossed, and he couldn't go back. The smallest things began to bother him, and he hated seeing himself this way. Since last week's 'incident' he had been on pins and needles, often getting mad when he had no reason too. His emotions were completely trashed, and he didn't know what to do. It had everything to do with fear. All the visions wouldn't stop and he felt himself snapping even more – especially because he wanted to protect Tohru. But more than anything, it was scaring her to see him this way. Finally, unable to take it anymore, he removed himself from the breakfast table and retreated outside, to go to the Secret Base and just get away from it all.

Now thoroughly alarmed, Tohru quickly finished her breakfast as well. She grabbed some fruit rolls, just in case, because he hadn't been eating well. Tohru apologized numerous times as she scurried out the door after him. Kyo just sighed, agitated, and went to train on the roof again. Shigure looked around at the empty chairs – realizing that more and more, he was being left alone. Feeling lonely, he did the only thing left to do... he went to search out Aya, at the shop, feeling that Ayame was the only one who wouldn't desert him. And of course, he shouted so, very dramatically before he left...

Catching up, Tohru noticed that Yuki was looking straight at the ground. He didn't even seem to notice she was there at all. Before she could say anything, Yuki began talking. Tohru couldn't tell if he was talking to her, or just talking out loud, but she listened carefully. "When I was little, I was kept away from all the others." he said painfully, almost in a deep trance. "I never got to see the others, so I never knew any of them until after I turned ten, at least. That's how I never realized I had a brother... that's how everyone got to thinking that I was better... because I was separate... they believed that I felt I was too good for them..."

"But... really, I would have given anything to be there with them, instead of where I was..." Yuki said, looking up at her, proving that he knew she was there. "Miss Honda, you really don't have to listen to me complain. It must sound incredibly childish." he said, looking away. Tohru smiled and unwrapped one of the fruit rolls and handed it to him, urging him to continue without really saying anything. He looked at the fruit roll and smiled, taking a bite, but not really continuing or saying anything for that matter. Finally, after he finished with the fruit roll, he seemed much more relaxed.

Slowly, he began where he left off... "I was hailed by Akito. He thought I was something... I guess. But to put it most honestly, I was the only person he let in. Even more so than me, he was always alone... always. So I became the one thing that kept him connected... that's what he always told me... I connected him to the family, because he felt like everyone was leaving him all alone, all the time. Because... he knew that he would die... he knew that attachments were stupid to be made. It was very clear. Akito was not looking for a friend or savior..."

Yuki stopped walking. "Did you ever hear the saying about what goes on behind closed doors?" Tohru nodded, remembering having read it used somewhere in a book. "Well, it is a highly praised saying, even more so for us members of the Sohma family. We live by that saying, because it is what we live... separated from the rest of the world when we close our doors to everyone outside of our family... it is the curse of being alone... That saying is more true than anything else we know..."

There was unseen venom dripping in his voice. "But... even within the family, that rule still applies, I found out. When someone closes a door, it is clear that no one is to ask questions. That person wants absolute isolation..." Yuki trembled. "Akito always kept his door closed. Usually, I was within the confined walls of that small living space. He could have gotten away with murder, because no one seemed to care about what went on during that time..."

What implications Tohru could only imagine... she felt terrible, but... she wanted to know the truth. If anything, this was the key to finding out why Yuki really was so mentally scared. "All the screams I made fell upon deaf ears. Akito felt better when he was able to force pain on to others. I was the chosen one. What Kyo doesn't know, is just what that really means... he dreams of something I have nightmares about... if he ever knew, I don't know what I could expect. But I'm not looking for pity, Miss Honda..." he said bitterly. "I just need to let somebody know..."

"This room was where I lived most of my life. It was the same room I later ran away from to get away from Sohma House for good. My memories of that room are all terrible things... I don't know if I should be telling you any of this... please forgive me if I continue, Miss Honda, it's just... I finally found someone worth sharing the ghosts of my past with..." Tohru smiled as sweetly as she could and nodded, taking his hand and squeezing it lightly in her grasp. Yuki gasped at the kind and sweet gesture and smiled, looking forward – away from her to hide his lightly blushing face.

With new strength, he could continue... "As I said, Akito felt better when he knew that he could make others feel as bad as he felt. Still – he usually felt worse every time. It was the only thing that made him seem human. But every time, he came back, hitting harder, trying to get rid of his own pain. And he never could, so each time, it got worse. Each time, I found it harder to get up, and the scars added up. But no one cared. I was hated... despised... I had no one to turn to... nowhere to go... so I ran... Shigure saved me and brought me to a place where I didn't have to be afraid anymore. I hate the truth of my past... you must think real ill of me now, Miss Honda..."

Tohru shook her head and squeezed his hand even harder. "No, Yuki... I am... just getting to know you better, Nothing could make me think anything less of you, Yuki. And... you're not alone anymore. What goes on behind closed doors is none of anyone else's business, but... then, all you need is for someone to open the door for you." she smiled widely. They had spent the entire walk to the Secret Base, talking, and now they stood before the garden, smiling – still holding hands.

"I think the strawberries are ready to pick." Yuki said, grinning at Tohru, who's eyes widened in absolute delight.

Letting go of his hand, she ran over to where the strawberries were planted. "That's wonderful! Strawberries are my absolute favorite..." she grinned, picking one. Quietly she tip-toed over to Yuki and stuck it in his mouth. Pleasantly surprised, he took the strawberry and smiled. "Do they taste good?" she asked, looking at him expectantly.

"They're perfect." He blushed, smiling. Yuki took one and cautiously gave her one to try. She blushed but took the wonderful treat.

"Oh wow! They're delicious! We should pick some for the others. Maybe we can eat them with breakfast tomorrow." she said, beginning to collect the fruit.

After they had finished, they carried the strawberries back to the house, and Yuki helped her clean them off and put them away for tomorrow. Tohru hadn't slept much last night, and began to fall asleep while working. Yuki grinned at her. "Good night, Miss Honda. I can finish this work here. You should get some rest." he said, yawning a bit himself.

"No... I couldn't ask you to finish this all by yourself!" Tohru exclaimed, fighting hard to stay awake.

It only took them a few minutes to finish, but they were both ready for bed. "Good night Miss Honda. Thank you for today. I have never felt better..." he said, smiling. He hesitantly kissed her on the forehead and started walking to his room.

"Wait!" Tohru blushed. "Uhm... Yuki, if... well... I mean... you know you can tell me anything... I will always... care... deeply." she said, her face turning a darker shade. "You're not alone anymore. With... the key... I can... open the door." she said, trying to hide her embarrassment, very ineffectively, but she managed to escape to her room, giving him a final, "good night!" before she closed her door. Yuki smiled and went into his own room.

Upon closing the door behind him, he came face to face with the one object that could destroy everything he loved – the true nature... of himself. It was everything he was... every terrible thing that he was, was there... in that box... locked up from any eyes. It had been a long time since even he had been able to look at it.

Slowly, he walked closer. Reaching out he took the box down. He was shaking, but he couldn't handle it calmly. Putting the box on the floor, he sat down next to it. A deep breath and he tore off the lid. The whole night long, he couldn't stop crying. Everything in there tore a piece of his soul to pieces. But he could never get rid of it. These were the things that reminded him of his past – of the terrible things that he was... would always be...

But the entire time, he was remembering the things that Tohru said... the feeling of her hand holding his... it felt amazing... and right then, he wanted more than anything to be able to tell her. Yuki wanted to be saved. The tears streaming down his face reminded him that that was unlikely, and no matter what, he couldn't let her see... couldn't let her know... could never let him in...

For now, he was keeping his door shut tight... and he was the only one with the key... He wasn't ready to give it to her just yet...

Alright, there's the next chapter. I know it took me a long time, but I wanted to make it really good... and of course, good and intense! that and I've been working on a lot of my other stories, but I hope you enjoyed it! Please review! Thanks!

Christine Lennoire


	3. Pick Up the Pieces and Run!

The Box  
Formerly titled 'What Goes On'  
By Christine Lennoire

Chapter Three  
Pick Up the Pieces... and Run

.: PICK UP THE PIECES... AND RUN :.

"Yuki! Yuki? Breakfast is ready!" Tohru said, quietly making her way upstairs. It wasn't unusual for him to be late to breakfast some mornings. He wasn't exactly a morning person. So Tohru didn't think anything was strange about it, and hurried upstairs to help wake him up so he wouldn't go hungry. Not unlike other mornings, she slipped quietly into his room. "Yuki... you should come and eat..." suddenly, Tohru stopped in her tracks. Yuki was sprawled out on the floor, tears dried upon his eyes... with the box open and resting inches from his hand...

Worried, Tohru rushed forward. But before she had a chance to help him up – she took notice of the box and some of the items that had been carelessly left on the outside of the box. Carefully, she put the items back in, one at a time. Yet... one thing stood out. Before Tohru noticed it, she was reading it. The object in question was a scroll with sloppy writing on it. Normally, she would never ever get in to things that did not belong to her. She thought it was wrong to stick your nose places it did not belong. And yet... this was the cause of Yuki's suffering... she could not help but want to keep reading.

Tohru wanted to set things right, and help Yuki. She hated to see his suffering. And she knew that she had been able to withstand the worst of Kyo's secrets. Tohru could not imagine how anything Yuki was hiding could be worse than the monstrous form that Kyo took when his bracelet was removed. The words were so sloppy, as if they had been written in a matter of seconds... and old. The characters were slowly beginning to fade from the old, wrinkled parchment. Holding it close, she was able to make out the writing and find out exactly what it was saying...

_**Trickle water down the stream  
Blood trickles thick down your arm  
Hide the blade – can't hide the pain  
That's what this is from.  
Pain from total rejection  
Pain from misconception  
Pain for all the words that you  
Spilled, to create total deception  
Your world is made of you and I  
You'll never escape this pain  
You will feel it until you die  
And find life on some new plane  
Existence doesn't describe you,  
I can barely call it living  
May you find that some day  
You are filled to the brim with hate  
And all the pain you are receiving  
For what you have done,  
And what you can't do,  
May you live your days in fear  
Know that from this day forth  
You are no longer welcome here...**_

Tohru gasped and threw the letter down. Who would have written such horrible things to Yuki? He was so sweet and kind... and never deserved that. And only one person came to mind. Especially after all the things that Yuki told her yesterday. It seemed so real, and yet she never wanted to believe that someone could treat a good person this way. Continuing on her search, she found some other highly disturbing things...

_A whip, stained in old, dried-up blood...  
A vial, filled with a dark red substance Tohru could only imagine to be blood...  
Several pictures of all the scars and bruises Yuki received...  
The letter she just read...  
A tiny journal-like book and pen...  
Finally... the last item..._

With a startled gasp, Tohru pulled out a blood-stained knife, and a letter not unlike the first one... She trembled with every breath she took, as she slowly took the time to unfold the letter. Instinct told her to put it back down and forget all about everything she had seen today... but another part of her – most likely her heart, told her that she could not forget, and that she had to keep going... see it all... know... everything...

_I bet you remember this...  
But just so you never forget..._

I saved you that day... do you remember? You were dying from blood loss... blood loss that you caused when you tried to take your own life. You were going crazy, I told you and let you go with just a lecture. But no... you were not satisfied. Crazed and outraged, you attacked **me**! You tried to kill me. And you almost succeeded. But oh how you were wrong...

_All the people who rejected you, turned against you and tried to get rid of you for me. You tried to kill them all. YOU! It's all your fault! But... once again, I interceded, knowing that I would not die, and feeling that death was far too easy a punishment for a crazed lunatic like you... YOU... worse than the cursed cat himself... you tried to kill not just me, but every. Last. Sohma. That was when I tossed you from Sohma house. You would have died if it weren't for Shigure's forgiveness... taking you into his house..._

_I told him not to, but he was too kind... Your sins are great. And you are just a greedy bastard. You shall NEVER forget. NEVER!_

_Akito_

Tears trickled down Tohru's face. 'How could he?' She wondered to herself, thinking of all the Sohma family members that she knew and cherished as her own family. How could Yuki have tried to kill them? Sure, he was wronged, and Akito was wrong to do what he did, but... nothing could make attempting to KILL them right? She shook... she threw down the letter... she stood up on wobbly feet... she fought to open the door with her shaken mind... and... she ran... she ran as fast as she could, not sure of where they were taking her, but sure that she had to get far away from there... even if it was only to think...

Yuki woke up an hour later, completely drained. He felt terrible. But nothing could compare to the horror of the scene before him. Everything... all of it was spread out on the floor. No one would touch it... not Shigure, and Kyo wouldn't care to touch anything of his... no, Miss Honda must have seen it... and with a sickening twist, Yuki knew that he was done for... any hope of happiness and redemption was gone... she knew... and she hated him by now... he was alone... again...

'Akito got sooo mad when you told him you didn't remember... He messed with your mind all the time though, so it wasn't unusual. But that... he vowed that he would make sure you never forgot your trespasses. Because you... are a monster. You tried to kill yourself, and when you were unsuccessful, you blamed those around you and tried to kill the only people who could have ever meant anything to you... your family...'

"The memory haunts me... it's so blurred... at first, I couldn't even tell that it was me. I didn't want to believe. Now Miss Honda knows the truth. Maybe she is safer now... where I may never hurt her. If I could hurt my own family, I bet it would be easy to..." tears poured down his face. "NO! It's NOT my FAULT!"

_It's so blurred..._

Tohru ran... ran to the woods to get far away from that house... What was she supposed to think? What could she think? Yuki had... but it didn't seem like him at all. She remembered his smile, his sweet compliments, and the way he spoiled her. That didn't seem like a... a killer. But could insanity... Yuki didn't seem insane... how...?

_At first, I couldn't even tell that it was me..._

"Yuki..." Tohru sobbed as she tripped over her own feet and fell down a small rocky hill, onto her face. Unable to move, she just stayed there, sobbing freely.

_For so long I denied it..._

_**I didn't remember...**_

_Akito go sooo mad..._

_**He messed with your mind all the time though...**_

_Miss Honda is... precious to me..._

_**I would never...**_

_But he said I..._

_**But did I...**_

_Did I...?_

_**Did I?**_

Tohru slowly stood up.

**Did...**_ I?_

Yuki ran out the door, desperate to find Tohru before she got hurt or something. As he ran, he remembered all the times he spent with Miss Honda. First meeting her, her smile, when she moved in with them, getting her back after she left, times spent at the secret base, all their little talks, the times when she would just hold his hand... made him feel like... he had a purpose. He didn't have to think about the terrible times... he didn't have to remember... but he did... now, for the first time ever, since that time in his life – 'thanks to Miss Honda... I was able to remember...' -

_**NO. I DIDN'T! And I know who did...**_

Okay, the was the psychological part of it. More coming soon... I hope you liked it. It's a little creepy, but I think I like it that way. It adds to the tormented feelings of his past. All will be revealed soon. So please review and tell me what you think. I love reviews! Thanks and I hope you enjoyed it. I'll try to update again soon!


	4. It's Not My Fault!

The Box  
Formerly titled 'What Goes On'  
By Christine Lennoire

Chapter Four  
It's Not My Fault!

.: IT'S NOT MY FAULT:.

Those days had been the worst days of his life. All day, he was stuck inside this large room, confined to a small corner... trying to stay as far away from the door as possible. For when it opened, it was always Akito, who came to 'play' with him. His games were sick and twisted, and Yuki had all the scars to prove it. He was a cruel master, who only searched to ease his own pain by inflicting it upon others. Complete and unending pain... that was his curse. No matter what he did to try and ease the raging fire in his soul, he could not. Each time he tried, it only got larger, as if laughing to spite him horribly.

Akito told him this once. He blamed Yuki for everything – because there was no one to blame. From the moment he was born, destiny had marked him doomed to ache like this until his early death. Yet he couldn't accept this, so he had to find someone to blame, even if it was someone completely innocent. It ate him alive when he couldn't put some kind of reasoning behind it. Because then, he had to admit that he never had a chance, and that he had been spited even before he was born. That was unacceptable.

However, Yuki was wrong. Now he knew better, but... when he was little, he only know what went on in that room. That room had been his entire world at that time. Nothing on the outside reached him and he was all alone. Isolated and lonely, his only companion was Akito – who whipped him senselessly to try and ease his own suffering, only to have it come back double – and then come back swinging harder each time – taking out his rage on Yuki. Everyone in the family hated him because he was the favorite... what they envied him for though... he would have been glad to give to any one of them if they really wanted it...

Really... but one day, something strange and horrible happened. Shigure, who felt bad for the poor kid – let him out. Being close to Akito, Shigure was able to see what was really going on, and knew that Yuki was no one to be envious of. But Akito found it. And Akito lashed out. He attempted to kill Shigure and everyone else, saying that this family was getting out of his control and that he had to stop them before there was some kind of full-scale uprising. He hated anyone who acted out against him, and something like this was enough to drive him over the edge.

Yuki had been looked up for days after that incident. Akito never left his side. In a crazed state – Akito kept telling Yuki it was all his fault. He repeated it over and over and hit him too many times to count. Soon, he had gotten so far inside Yuki's brain that he was unable to tell the truth from what Akito told him. Soon... he really started to believe that he had done it. And then... Akito gave him the box... he put all the things in it that Tohru had seen including his whip – and told Yuki that he was banished from now on.

Luckily... Shigure took him in, regardless of all that happened. Yuki never asked him why he was being so nice. For days he couldn't say anything. That was when Kyo started bugging him. Kyo knew he fell out with Akito and thought he could rub it in – in Yuki's emotional state, it worked real well, but Kyo was tired of getting nothing but sobs from the boy. So that was when the fighting really started. And it hadn't stopped since. Kyo knew he couldn't like Yuki... he was the rat after all. He never was able to look beyond the story of the Zodiac and see who Yuki was.

Mostly because Yuki didn't want anyone to see. But then, Tohru Honda came and turned his life around. She made him smile, and cared about him – even if he was an anti-social. And it wasn't because he was the prince or because he was good looking – she was able to look past that and show him the good qualities that he had forgotten he possessed. Through all her kindness, she was able to save him in more than one way, and he would be damned to hell before he would let her leave his life forever before being able to at least try and tell her the truth...

"Miss Honda..." Finally he found her. She had gotten pretty far. But she wasn't moving now. She was face down in the dirt and breathing heavily. Yuki picked her up and dusted her off carefully, watching for any bruising she might have received from the fall. "You always were the clumsy one..." he grinned, seeing that she was not seriously hurt."Miss Honda, I am so sorry... all this time I was so cold and I could not tell you the things that were killing me the most... and I only realized the truth once it was too late..."

Her eyes were opening slowly, and she was coming to. "Y-yuki?" she asked, looking at him closely. "Oh! Yuki!" she gasped sitting up. "I... you didn't... did you?" she asked weakly, looking at him with watery eyes. "Did you really do all the things Akito said you did?" He could tell she was shaky and obviously very nervous. For the first time, though, he was able to smile genuinely and shake his head.

"No, Miss Honda. But I thought I did." He said, matter-of-factly. "For a long time Akito messed with my head and got me convinced that I had done it. Akito was always good at blaming others. Like Kana... I was a victim. And like Kana... I wasn't able to realize that the things he said were just lies meant to hurt me and clear his own conscious. But... unlike Kana... I was able to overcome his lies and deceit. Miss Honda... I'm sorry you had to see that... all that... was the work of Akito..."

Slowly, her nervous frown turned into a smile. "Haha." she laughed. "I'm so stupid. I should know better than to believe that. You could never hurt anyone Yuki! I'm so sorry... I broke my own promise. I... I just got so scared... but... you came all this way... looking for me?" Yuki nodded wordlessly. "Thank you... I... I want to go home, Yuki. It's time you got rid of that box once and for all, you know." she said, standing up with his help. With a smile, he agreed. Now that he knew the truth... he knew that that box didn't belong to him, and he didn't need to be plagued with the sight of it every day and night..."

"Yes... I believe Akito needs it back. Wouldn't want him to forget his sins... that's what it is... a reminder..." he said. Yuki felt her hand tighten around his and he blushed slightly. "Thank you, Miss Honda... for understanding. Most people wouldn't have waited for me to explain." he said honestly. She blushed and smiled. "I am truly blessed by having such a wonderful family... that means you too, Miss Honda. Yes... you are a Honda... but you are also a Sohma." Her eyes widened, as did her smile.

Tohru really beamed. "Thank you! Thank you so very much! You don't know how much that means to me!" she said, looking him square in the eyes. "You guys are the only real family I have left, besides Uo and Hana... So it means a lot to me that you think of me as part of your family too!"

"But I don't think I could get used to saying Miss Sohma..." Yuki laughed. "No... you'd have to be a... a-a Mrs. Sohma..." he choked and blushed. Tohru turned red as a beat and he grinned. "But it sounds good... Mrs. Tohru Sohma." he laughed at her embarassed state. But she was happy, even so. _Yuki has changed so much, in so short of a time. I hate to think of what went on to make him this way... but to see him loosening up... it makes me so happy to see him happy again. He hasn't smiled like that in so long..._

_Akito's fate is regrettable. I still feel bad for him... it's true his destiny is beyond his control and he'll die for something that's not even his fault. But he could find better ways to find happiness... I know that. If he learned to just enjoy what life he has, he would be much happier than he is trying to blame and hurt others. If only he could see that... I wish I could show him that there is a good way of life, even knowing that he's going to die soon... it doesn't mean he has to give up on living now while he's still breathing..._

_But for right now, I'm going to focus on living my life... with the Sohmas, nothing is ever boring. I'm learning new things every day – about Yuki... about Kyo... and all the Zodiac members. It makes me happy to be so close to all of them. Because I really do see them as the only family I have now. I will never forget mom... but I can't change the past... so I'm going to live for right now. What do you think, mom? Aren't the Sohmas just so wonderful? I can't imagine my life without them now... they have become such a large part of it..._

_I am happy..._

_And I want all the Sohmas to be happy too..._

_If that means I have to open the lid of every box I come across... and handle all the demons in the world... I would do it... just to make these people happy... to repay them for the kindness they have shown me in a time when I couldn't find any in anyone else anywhere. Because I love the Sohmas... because they are the greatest thing that's happened to me since mom's death._

_Seeing Yuki happy like this... I feel like my life just keeps getting better and better. It makes me feel so warm inside..._

"Miss Honda? You zoned out again..."

Tohru blinked. "OH! I'm so sorry. I was just thinking about everything that's happened. I'm really happy to see you smiling again." she said, fighting the urge to hug him.

"You too, Miss Honda. For a while, I was afraid I was going to lose you..."

Tohru put on a brave face. "It'll take more than that to scare me away!" Yuki laughed at her wide variety of facial expressions. She always knew what to say or do to make him feel so much better.

"I'm glad Miss Honda... because I really enjoy my time spent with you. I wish Akito could see what I see... he'd be a much happier person." he said, ruffling her hair and giving her a quick kiss. For the first time – it wasn't his brotherly kiss on the forehead. He was getting bolder. So he kissed her on the cheek. _I'm not quite **there** yet... but one day... I will be able to show her how I really feel._ He told himself. _I'm not a monster... but I'm not a prince. I'm just a person with just as much a chance in this world as anybody else. But most of all... I want to see Miss Honda's smile..._

"Let's go get something to eat... I'm starving!" Tohru said, blushing at the sound of her rumbling tummy.

Yuki laughed. "I won't make you cook. Let's go out." he said, leading her towards the nearest place where they could get some good take-out food, completely forgetting about Shigure and Kyo, when neither of them knew where they were. Tohru didn't seem to notice, and Yuki wasn't going to tell her and make her worry... for now... he just wanted to enjoy the moments with Tohru...

Okay, this is not the end. There was a little hint that said such, but not everyone may have caught it. So – there's going to be at least one more chapter, if not more. Please review and tell me what you think of it so far – and how long you think I should make this, along with any suggestions that you have. That would be greatly appreciated.

REVIEW PLEASE!

Hope you enjoyed it!

Christine Lennoire


	5. Turn Around

The Box  
Formerly titled 'What Goes On'  
By Christine Lennoire

Chapter Five  
Turn Around!

.: TURN AROUND :.

Yuki felt his stomach tighten and his body begin to shake and tremble. Just standing there outside this door frightened him. This was that room... his former room and prison. It was time to punish Akito, but could he do it? Yuki felt weak and scared and frightened... but he couldn't run. Not when it meant so much to him. Tohru was standing there with him... he had to keep reminding himself that. Every moment she began to feel further and further away, until he was convinced she was still at the house with Kyo and Shigure. But she wasn't. She was being brave, just to be with him. It warmed his heart greatly, just to know that.

"Alright, Miss Honda. We can go in now." Yuki said, squeezing her hand. Tohru smiled and nodded at him. Upon entering the room, he noticed that it had changed. It was now much brighter and less spooky. For a moment, he wondered if he would have been less scared had it looked that way when Akito locked him in there. 'No... it wasn't the look... it was him.' He reminded himself, noticing the weak-looking black haired man standing with his back to them. In his other hand that was not holding Miss Honda's hand... he held the cursed box with a shaking hand.

Like was expected of them, they both kneeled on the ground and bowed to him before he even turned to look at them. "Why... hello." Akito said coldly and without attaching any emotion. "This is indeed a pleasant kind of surprise. You never come to see me anymore, Yuki. And you too, Miss Honda. I can't help but wonder what the reason is for this unusual meeting." he turned and glared at them both in a most subtle way. Tohru began to panic, not wanting to anger the Head of the Sohma family but Yuki held strong, and refused to fall victim to his looks.

Yuki raised his head slightly from the bowing position and sighed. "Sorry it's so sudden. I hope we are not intruding or something." he said politely. The box, he had tucked behind his back so Akito would not see it right away. He could sense Tohru's fear and scooted closer without being too obvious about it and squeezing her hand lightly, to reassure her. "But the matter was indeed important. Actually, Miss Honda has little to do with the matter, but she chose to accompany me here. You don't get enough company. I thought you might like it. Sorry if I was wrong."

It was hard for him to act like he cared, but he had to. Akito smiled: just the reaction that Yuki expected from Akito. He never had been good at picking up on Yuki's subtle emotions. Or if he did, he refused to show it in any way... be it by being annoyed or by being angry, or anything like that. It was most aggravating of all. Yuki wanted Akito to hate him... because he couldn't stand being Akito's... so-called 'friend' anymore. Even if he was completely shunned, he needed to stand up to Akito and free himself from the hold of all the guilt. For himself... this time, he was going to make sure that everyone knew the truth and that Akito never forgot HIS guilt.

"No, no... please. I'm rather intrigued by all this. I see you have something for me, Yuki. Don't think you can hide it. You know that I know everything... my eyes see all." Akito said calmly. "So now... what is it?" he asked, coming closer and outstretching his hand. Yuki sighed. He should have known that Akito would take notice to the box right away. Akito DID seem to know everything. Slowly, he reached behind him, and felt around for the box. His hand rested on it for a second, and then he clutched it in his hands and brought it to sit in front of him. Akito's eyes rested on the box for a second of clueless-ness, and then it sunk in. His eyes widened and his hissed angrily.

Yuki frowned. "Don't turn away... don't you DARE turn away!" There was a moment of silence. Akito closed his eyes and began breathing heavily. "For many years you told me that I was the one who deserved to be blamed. This box was a reminder of my insolence. But in fact, you wanted someone else to blame as usual, and this box became my prison: until I was so blinded by fear, that I could not realize the truth from what lies you spurned in this box. But I have seen through the prison bars. And it's time that you remember the crimes that you have committed. It's time for you to take the blame... to realize what YOU have done."

"Not only this... but all the other people in this family you have hurt otherwise." Yuki spat.

"In your pain, you have sought to hurt others, so that they could suffer with you. You felt it wasn't fair for you to die alone. So you watched others die from the inside. People like me... people like Kyo and Hatori... people like Momiji and Ritsu. Everyone in this family has had to feel the brunt of your blows."

"It was you that destroyed Kana... it was your fault all along! But by convincing her that it was her fault, you thought you could make the fact disappear. But she didn't do anything! It was you that destroyed the only love that Hatori had ever known and destroyed any hope of finding that kind of happiness ever again. That was all you!"

"It was you that made Kyo out to be the monster. By isolating him and telling everyone else your stupid lies, you were able to make him feel just as alone as you were feeling. No one could stand to look at him or be near him, because they were scared of the things you said about him. Even me... you even turned me against him, before I truly knew him. Miss Honda was able to save him, by confronting him and accepting him. That made you mad, didn't it. No one ever accepted you... and when they tried, you could see it only as pity, and you hated it then."

"And the others... all scared by you. Myself included. But as time goes on, you learn that you really can't hurt us. We have lived the only way we know how – day by day. We have accepted our curse. Maybe it's time you accept yours and live your life the way we have! Whatever life you haven't already wasted on your stupidity already!" Yuki said, standing up and handing the box to Akito.

Akito shuddered and slowly opened the box. He ripped up the letters, and took the blade into his hand. Sobbing he collapsed onto the ground. "It's too late to turn around." he said, stuttering and shaking.

Yuki sighed, helping Miss Honda up. "It's never too late."

They turned around and walked away together.

Tohru felt bad for Akito, though she knew that now was his chance to change. "I don't know if we should have just left like that... I mean, he looked pretty bad. Not like he didn't deserve it for all the things he did to hurt you and the others, because I think that was terrible, but... What I mean is..."

Yuki smiled and squeezed her hand. "It's alright, Miss Honda. I know... from experience, he would rather have it this way. No one wants anyone to see it when they break down after the realization." he said. Tohru looked at the ground and nodded. "But you know what...? I don't want to see it, either. I want to move on. Maybe... maybe someday, he can move on, too." he smiled. "Miss Honda... thank you... for everything. I don't know where I would be right now if it hadn't been for you..."

She grinned and hugged him tightly. "I'm so sorry! I was just so happy, and I didn't mean to... you're freezing! At this rate you'll catch a cold or something! You need to warm up. Here... my coat is nice and warm... you can go in my pocket." she smiled, placing him safe and sound in the pocket of her jacket.

Rat Yuki laughed quietly and curled up inside her pocket. "It's alright Miss Honda. I'll be fine. Let's just... let's go home." he said, looking out into the distance in the vague direction of the Sohma House. "Miss Honda... I..."

"What is it, Yuki?" Tohru asked. "Is something bothering you? Are you hurt? Are you still cold? I..."

Yuki laughed. "No, no, no. I'm fine Miss Honda, it's just... I... um... never mind. I'll tell you some other time. I guess I just have a lot on my mind right now. Tohru smiled.

"Just don't forget, you can tell me anything... okay?"

Yuki smiled. "Right..."

YAY! Here we go again. There will be at least one more chapter. I really hope you like this one. It took a lot of thought and I thought it came out pretty good, so don't forget to leave a review and a smiley face, mmkay? Any ideas are still appreciated.

PLEASE REVIEW! Thanks for reading!

Christine Lennoire


	6. What I Meant to Say Was

The Box  
Formerly titled 'What Goes On'  
By Christine Lennoire

Chapter Six  
What I Meant to Say Was...

.: WHAT I MEANT TO SAY WAS... :.

For two days, Yuki had desperately tried to tell Tohru what he had been meaning to say that night, but it wasn't easy for him. That night at supper, he felt all out of sorts, and couldn't concentrate. He felt horrible for being unable to be forward with Miss Honda. So he promised himself that he would definitely tell her before he went to bed this night. But he was still so unsure of himself. What would she say? What would she think? Yuki was frightened of the possible outcomes. No matter what, he didn't want to lose Tohru's friendship, because it was the most precious thing of all, to him.

But this had gone on long enough. Searching for Tohru, he slowly began to build up all the confidence he had left. Tohru was in the kitchen, reading a cookbook, while deciding what to make them for dinner. She didn't seem to be having much luck, because she kept flipping the pages with no interest whatsoever on her usually expressive face. Yuki laughed. For once, Miss Honda almost looked frustrated, although he already missed her bright and cheerful smile.

"Miss Honda, is everything alright?" he asked, sitting next to her and peering at the book over her shoulder. Naive and clueless Tohru had been completely unaware of his presence and fell right off her chair in shock, when she heard his voice. Yuki tried to catch her, but only managed to get her trapped in his arms, turn into a rat, and then fall with her onto the floor. Tohru immediately sat up in a panicked state. He couldn't help but laugh. She looked so cute when she got all flustered like that. Miss Honda picked him up and sat him back on the table.

Shaking her head rapidly, Tohru began apologizing way too fast. "I'm so sorry! I could have hurt you! It's not like I was scared! I just wasn't paying attention. I don't hope you thought I was scared of you, after all that happened. Hopefully you would know, but really I wasn't!"Yuki laughed and smiled at her reassuringly.

"It's fine, Miss Honda. I know you were just startled. Sorry I snuck up on you like that. I guess I was just thinking a lot and didn't think to knock." he said, grinning. "But, Miss Honda. There is something I was hoping I could talk to you about. And I've wanted to say this for a long time, but I've been much too worried about what you would think or how you would react." During all this, Tohru's mind had already started swimming with all the possibilities.

'Maybe I've done something wrong! What if the Sohma family doesn't want me to stay here anymore! They might erase my memories! Or maybe I angered Akito the other day when I went to see him with Yuki, and maybe he is ordering me to leave! Where will I go...? What will I do...? I don't want to leave the Sohmas! I love them all so very much, and they're the closest thing to family I've got! Without them I don't know where I would be. Oh...'

Tohru couldn't take it anymore. She bolted from the room and ran to her bedroom, startling Yuki. "Oh no. I must have said something to upset her. Better hurry and set things straight." he ran after her and caught her just in time before she slammed her door shut. "Wait, Miss Honda! I'm sorry! Just please give me a chance to explain!"

"I'm so sorry..." She kept muttering, as she sat down on the bed, curling up into a ball. Yuki entered slowly and sat down next to her, putting a hand on her shoulder.

"No. I'm sorry. I should have known that you must have realized my feelings for you..." Tohru's eyes snapped open wide. 'Feelings for me...? So I'm not being...' "For that, I'm very sorry. I should have known that you didn't return them, and that it would make things awkward. I just needed to tell you... so I could get it off my chest. That was very selfish, and I'm sorry for that too. Miss Honda, I promise I will let it go, if you could only please forgive me."

Tohru slowly began to giggle. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't be laughing. But all this time, I thought you were going to tell me that I had to leave. But now that I know, it sounds so silly. All this time, I was so worried that I was going to have my memories taken away, and what you meant to say was... that you... had feelings for me." she laughed.

"Of course I feel the same!" Tohru smiled widely, feeling the urge to embrace the boy. Yuki held her back, but smiled at the same time.

"You do?" He grinned. "Oh, Miss Honda. You have no idea how happy this has made me!" he said, kissing her boldly. Surprised, Tohru was unsure of what to do next, but lightly pressed her lips back, uncertainly. Still, Yuki thought it was the greatest, and felt completed in some corny, fairy-tale kind of way. "I love you, Tohru." he said, using her first name casually, brightening her smile even more, when she looked up at him.

Tohru gently placed a kiss on his nose, still blushing quite dark from their first kiss. "And I love you, Prince Yuki Sohma!" She smiled.

"Next time, try not to jump to conclusions so fast, okay?" Yuki grinned, standing up and extending his arm out for her to take. "Because... after everything we've been through the last couple of days, I would never let anyone take you away from me. Not after all you have done for me. It's the least I can do, to protect you from him. He will never hurt you."

_When I came to Sohma House, there was this boy I found. He was alone and scared, and he locked himself away in a box that remained high upon a shelf, in a vault he locked tight. But I kept insisting and tried to help him. Just because I could not open the box for myself, does not mean that I could not get him to open it for me._

_Two years later, the boy is still here, and so am I. The box is opened, and the contents forgotten. All that remains are the two of us._

Yay, happy ending! Sorry it took so long! Please review, everyone, and thanks for all the reviews! I hope you enjoyed it.

Christine Lennoire


	7. Author's Last Comments

The BOX

Author's Final Jurisdiction

No extra chapters, however, this is a note pertaining to The Box and it's author.

You asked for a sequel… and it's in the works. If you want to watch out for it, the pending title is "For You" and that title is based off of the song that originally inspired this story.

Another note… this story is currently being re-written in a much better, longer version, as I am hoping to enter it in a contest this year. If you'd like the new, better version to be updated, I'd like to know. If I get enough requests, I'll replace these chapters with the new improved ones. I must add that there are extra events and more chapters in the new one. It's up to you.

Lastly, a drama/angst side-story will be written by me, which you should look out for if you liked this story. It's focused completely on Yuki's past and the acts described in The Box. You should go and review it once it's finished. That will be titled: Pressure Points.

Thank you for all your reviews, and I hope to hear from you when For You or Pressure Points are put up.

Christine Lennoire


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